Basic Needs
by Juvis
Summary: "Mental note: If you gonna invade the girl's restroom, do NOT tell Lily. That redheaded will pay me..." Oneshot - Sirius Black POV


Here we are, The Marauders, the coolest guys of all Hogwarts, on a Sunday night _in the dormitory_. Have you ever seen such a thing?! Since Jay was put on the leash he doesn't want to know about anything else except from Lily. That _sucks_! We do that almost every night while waiting for the girls: doing nothing, and in the dorm, 'cause if we get to the common room some girls could start flirting with us and neither Lil nor Holly would like that.

-Hi, Six… - my girlfriend greeted my when she got into my room.

-Hi, Holly. – All four of us greeted her.

-Look at the picture that I found in the drawer!

-WOW! – I said, picking the picture from her hands.

-It's from the last summer, and…

-You seem _really _hot… I mean, you _are _hot, H3. – I said giving her a kiss and smirking.

-Ha, ha, ha…

-Let me see that pic, bag of flea - James said stealing the picture from my hands.

What a rude boy, you don't know how to ask?

-Oh. My. Holy. Mother! – Jay said falling to the ground and drooling. Pfff… what an idiot.

-What's it, Bambi? – he didn't answer… - What is it, damn? – I asked again.

-Li-Li-Lily's so beau… ho… sexy! In that pic. – He managed to say after some time, making everybody laugh.

-No, I'm not, Jay. – Said Lily picking the picture from his hands and helping him getting out of the floor. Even dating Lily he continues a drooling idiot.

-Damn, Bambi, get up already. I was really worry, I thought was something serious! You wanted to kill me?

-First of all: It's D-E-E-R! Second: no, I didn't want to kill you. – he said finally getting out of the floor. – But seriously, Lily you really should use this little bikini with yellow balls more often.

-STOP! – She replied, blushing – And I'm not anything of that.

That's one of the perfect moments to mock my best friend in front of his girlfriend! So…

-Lily, Lily, Lily… You only are sexier than that in… - I started but my so called best friend start slapping me. - Ouch! Damn, Prongs, don't hit me, let me finish. Ouch! Stop!

-Let him finish – Said Lily with curiosity.

-But, Lily… - Started James just for Lils to hold her hand up so he could shut up. – Go on, Sirius. – he said lowering his head.

-Thanks, Lily darling! Like I's saying, you only are sexier than that in his dreams, cuz there you are totally naked!

-What? – The girls screamed – James…

-Er… I can explain! FU…

-James! - Lily scolded.

-SCREW YOU, PADFOOT! – he finished.

-Ouch! – Since he still is hitting me I'm gonna fight back! MUAHAHAHAH! - He dreams with you _every _night, since he saw you naked in the bathroom.

-_WHAT? _– The girls yelled again. Why they keep doing that? My ear isn't potty.

-_James Potter… _- Lily start walking over James, already red.

-Er… Hmm… FUCK YOU, BAG OF FLEA! You have problems? – James started… But now that I started it, I'll end up with that. MUAHAHAHAHAH!

-Yeah… he couldn't sleep for like a week or more, I had to give him a potion…

-Sirius? – Remus looked at me with an ugly face, and saying his first word.

-Ok, Ok! Remy here, gave the potion. I wanted to give him firewhisky. – I said with my usually smirk. And in that moment Holly start laughing and Lily got redder.

If a look could kill, James would be dead at this moment! Hahahaha… me too, by the way…

-Explain yourself, _Potter. _– She ordered.

-Oh fuck… - I said, but receive a punch from James.

-Shut it! – Ok! Ok, Lily can be very scary when she wants to.

-I… I… - He tried to say something but couldn't.

-Oh… come on. I'll explain! A year ago… - I said and started to tell the story.

_**Flashback**_

In the Common room…

-Jay, can you get something for me in Lily's drawer? – Holly said siting on the couch next to him.

-Oh, Holly dear, how I'm supposed to get in there?

-I'll give you the permission to. – She said with a shrug.

-But why don't _you_ go get by yourself?

-'Cause I'm kinda busy painting my nails and I don't wanna to blur them. Give up James… We both know that after this you'll go and will get my stuff anyway.

-Huf… What do ya want?

-Acetone! – She said with a smirk worthy of Sirius.

James sighed and got up lazily, murmuring "Fine…"

He climbed the stairs to the girls' dorm, and entered H3' room, trying to find the more clean and organized bed, which was on the left. He walked toward it and opened the top drawer. In that was a pic of Lily and her family. She looked as beautiful as always, but in this one she wasn't only beautiful, she had a certain twinkle in her eyes, which made James get lost for a few seconds.

He kept looking in the drawer and after 3 minutes he finally found the vial of acetone, but when he was closing the drawer he heard footsteps and Lily's voice on the corridor talking with some gilrs… James panicked. He didn't know what he should do, if Lily saw him there, in her room, or worse, stirring up her things, it would be detention at the time.

With no other option, just before the bedroom doors got open, James got in the bathroom and closed the door.

-Ok, see ya in 10 minutes… I'm just gonna take a shower and them I meet you in your bedroom… - Lily said, opening the door.

The things got worse, she was coming to the bathroom. He hadn't time to think much so he did the only thing that came into his head: he threw the invisibility cloak on himself, and as soon as he had finished straightening the cloak, Lily got into the bathroom only with her towel.

When she got to the shower, took the towel off and hung it, James froze. It was a dream coming true, he always wanted to see the girl he loves naked… the only problem was that if she found out he was there, he certainly would be dead… not in detention… _dead_… so he stayed there, waiting till she finished her bath.

After Lils got out of the bathroom he taook the cloak off and went down to give Holly her acetone, with a dreamy smile on his face.

-Why did you take so long? Oh… Jay, Are you ok? – Holly asked, but he didn't answer, and went directly to his room… he told us what had happened and went to take a cold, cold bath.

_**Flashback ends**_

-And then is what I said, he stayed almost one week without sleep.

As I finished the story, I saw James getting slapped on the face, A good one I have to tell you… MUAHAHAHA… ops… that laugh really got out… ops… if looks could kill I probably would be dead after received that look from Jay.

-I didn't mean to, Lils, I promise… - he tried… was so funny see him like that… MUAHAHAHAH!

-Yeah… - said Holly, with a little of sarcasm on her voice… just a little! Oh, I already told you about how much I like this girl?

-Shush, Hall – screamed James – I swear that I didn't mean to, you are prefect and if you saw me on your dormitory you would kill me… I'm _so_ sorry!

-If I recall it… you didn't seem so sorry, Jay! – I said taking one step back and getting out of James reach. Holly laughed… but James got one step forward and punches me on the stomach anyways. It hurts… so I curled down.

-James! – Moony called his attention.

-Six, are you alright? – asked Holly sending a glare at James…

-Don't be mad at him, Potter… - calls Lils. Yep! These girls love so much… all of them concerned and defending myself! MUAHAHAH! I'm doing this mean laugh a lot today! Merlin…

-Ye-Yeah…

-Ok, that's good. At least was just that.

-What do you mean with "at least was _just_ that?", Ms. Hall? – scream Lils.

-I mean, just imagine if it had been in one of the school bathroom.

James looked at me with a bad smirk on the face, and in this exactly moment I realize that I'm screwed!

-Oh… My great friend Sirius, here, did that a few times…

-Shush! – I try, already knowing that wouldn't work… he smirks at me again! Bad friend! That fucking deer!

-WHAT? – H3 and Lils cry together. That was frightening.

-Damn, Jay! That's one of the Marauders secrets!

-Sirius Black, don't try to change the subject… - scream Holly.

-Crap! – I said.

-Answer, and do not say bad words! – screamed Lily. Come on… these girls never stop yelling, no? My ears are not potty!

-Shit, ops, sorry mom!

-You guys want to die or what? – asked Lily.

-Ahhh… I'm tired, think I'm gonna sleep, bye… - I tried, putting my hand in my mouth and yawning, I turned around but Lily and Holly grabed me by my shirt making me turn back.

-Sleep, my arse! – Screamed Lily… you see? They never stop…

-I thought that we couldn't say bad words, mommy! – ok, probably that wasn't the best time to tell jokes, but I couldn't contain myself.

-You want to die? – asked Holly… oh, sorry, _screamed_ Holly!

-Nope! I don't want to die ma'am, and please don't kill me, it would be a waste to the world. – I have to stop with the jokes. Lily took a deep breath, and when I say deep is really deep, I don't know how a girl so small can take such deep breath…

-Explain yourself, please. – She demanded.

-You know… I spent one day and a half in the dye, and I had to satisfy my basic needs…

-_ONE DAY_? And you invade a bathroom? _CUZ OF ONE DAY? REALLY? _– another scream of Lily and I'll be deaf.

-Hey… was one day and _HALF! _And just to be clear… it's a _girl_ bathroom!

-You're an idiot! – adds my lovely girlfriend.

-don't forget: sack of flags! – adds my best friend with horns!

-Keep going… - orders Holly

-It's a great idea, you know? After that day in the fourth year I go there almost every week, and…

-Wait! _FOURTH YEAR? _– I'm gonna get deaf at any time now. – _EVERY WEEK? _– Lily kept screaming

-Hey, Prongs here, would come with me some times, since Lils didn't satisfy his basic needs too…

-FOURTH YEAR, BLACK? - couldn't she stop yelling for a little bit? Merlin! Poor Jay when they get married! – You perv!

-Hey! Who said that was in the fourth year?

-You! – Screamed Lily and Holly at the same time again… you want to know what it's worse than Lil's yells? The yell of Lily and Holly together!

-I didn't say that. You must be going crazy, Lils… - I tried to change the subject… it wasn't never late to try, right?

-WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM, BLACK? – yell H3. I'm serious! Got it? Sirius… Serious? Hahaha… I know, I know, I'm so funny! Anyway, she has to stop with it. I don't to die with this shouting! Only James can die with it! I'm too gorgeous for that!

-I can answer that one! – Lily shouted – _shamelessness _is his problem!

-But I wasn't the only one… Ouch! Stop hitting me, Bambi!

-The others Marauders are also mixed up on it? You shared your idea with the others, Sirius Black? – asked Lily. But it wasn't much of a question.

-Kind of…

-WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY "KIND OF"? YES OR NO, BLACK! – Holly's time to yell! Yep. I never thought about that but I'll start praying for Merlin to make me deaf! Yay!

-I went alone on the first time, then I convinced James to go… I tried with Remmy, but he didn't want to, he came with a speech about privacy, and Pete was busy eating…

-HOW MANY BOYS KNOW ABOUT IT? – Lily Evans' fury strikes again!

-I already told you: only the Marauders! To get to the bathrooms we would need the cloak and just us knew about it so…

-ARE YOU SURE? – Asked H3. S-T-O-P Y-E-L-L-I-N-G! – I'M NOT GOING TO STOP, IF YOU DON'T ANSWER! – Ops… that was out loud…

-Ok… yes… maybe… not sure…

-_HOW CAN YOU BE NOT SURE? _– the girls yelled together again.

-I don't know. But, Gosh, it was amazing! – I said, remembering of my brief and constant visits to the girls bathroom.

-Breath Lily… just Breath… - Lily told to herself. Yeah that's right, you should breath, and what do you thing about stop yelling too? Thanks for the comprehension.

-Hey, Lils… think on the bright side: at least now we know and we can give the due change… - Holly told Lily with a smile (too much worthy of the Marauders, for my taste).

-Change? What do you mean by _"change"_? – asked James saying the exactly same words that was on my mind.

-Yeah… we didn't do anything wrong! – I added.

-NOTHING WRONG? – yelled Lil… again… for Merlin! You can't stop?

-Exactly.

-You make me sick, Black!

-What have I done?

-What have you done? WHAT HAVE YOU DONE? _WHAT HAVE YOU DONE? _– yelled both of the girls… For Merlin's aunt Sally, can you please stop screaming?

-Yeah, Yeah, Yeah! I didn't do anything wrong! _We _didn't do any thing wrong – I said point out from me to James.

-Imagine… _Nothing_ wrong!

-Yeah! I just fed my basic needs! – I said lifting my hands towards the ceiling.

They looked at me with narrowed eyes. Ok, it's time to start my defense… Muahahahahah!

-Look… Jay borrowed my magazines on the vacation and didn't give me back, so, I wasn't with them here! I had to do something, right? – It's obvious, come on… I'm a guy!

-Sirius… - Holly said.

-Yes, ma'am?

-Only one question… - she closed her eyes and took a deep breath, it was worthy of Lily… - My person was in that bathroom during one of yours visits?

-You know that I hate lies, so… no comments! – That's was a good one, right? – ah… I'm tired, good night! – I said trying to get myself out of trouble. Who knows what would she do to me… I prefer ensure my beauty and don't deprive it from the world.

-SLEEP MY ARSE! – screamed Lils – ANSWER, _NOW!_

-I already answered: "no comments"!

-PLEASE-ANSWER-PROPERLY!

-I've answered…

-_James… _- Lily looked at James with a frightening face. I looked at James. He couldn't do this to me, I was his best mate! Come on!

-Only us know about it… and, yes. – he looked at me, his look clearly showing how much he was sorry… I'm not been sarcastic this time. But he keept going on – Holly was there sometimes, and… - he took a deep breath. Everybody is taking deep breaths today, my friends are so impatient! – you too, Lily. But we made a deal that when you, Holly, went to the bathroom I would close my eyes, and the same thing for Lily but with Six, of course!

-This don't make anything better, you idiot, pervs and jerks! – guess what? They yelled together!

-Ok, that's enough! – Remus intervened – girls, you know Sirius, he doesn't know nothing, he has shit on his head.

-Yeah… wait! _What?!_

-He doesn't know how to be gentle, or anything of the kind, and privacy for him doesn't matter, you girls should had known about it. James… well, he has a weak head. Anything that was a little bit interesting and had you in it, he would do, Lils. – we both send a glare to him… we didn't know if we were mad about the things that he was saying or glad for him to try to save our arses – I tried to stop them, but you know Sirius. But in his defense, before you say something Holly, he stoped at the beginning of the seventh year, when he began to stop being so stupid and started to realize about his feelings for you. – He finished trying to make the things better after seen the girls' faces.

- Hey! – I complained.

-"Hey" nothing, Sirius. I'm not going to lie.

-Six used his bathroom plan to see if the girls werr hot enough for him to try to go out with them later. – said Peter, but then he realized what he said… and made a face that I almost couldn't contain myself of laughing.

-Screw you, your stupid rat… stay shut! And… I am a man, I need those things. – I said trying to catch the rat that at this time had ran out of our room.

-BLACK, YOU'RE A JERK! – Lily finished.

-Lily, my darling… - Dramatic pause… - the gurls should feel privileged that I spent my time, my precious time, watching them… they should had felt honored for Six here bother to do this! – I said putting my arms around her, and now I realize how that was a stupid move, because she punched me, and her punch is very strong, I have to add.

-I. DON'T. BELIVE. IN. WHAT. I. AM. HEARING. BLACK. YOU. ARE. A TOTATLY. JACKASS. YOU PERV! – Lily said that pausing in every word, and only now I realized how her face was getting redder and redder at each second. He turned around, took the pic from Jays' hand and got Holly by the arm – LETS GO, HOLLY!

-Ouch, Lils, you didn't have to yell the last part… - my amazing and scaring girlfriend said.

-sorry – Lily answered going out of our room.

-Wait! – I called – where are you going? And what are you planning to do?

-We're going to prepare our revenge! – Lily said… - you really though that I would let this go? He really is a pachyderm...

Wait. What? Re-re-revenge? I was stunned by that! They are so evil! I could hear a laugh coming from my other friend, Remus, but James and I were with the biggest retarded faces in the whole wizard world, cuz in the muggle world can't be since Vernon (Pentunia', Lily' sister, fiancée. She showed us one picture one time, he seems like a whale!) hold that position!

-I think we should go beg for them to forgive us, Pads! I'm in a big problem right now. – my best mate said wisely.

-I totally agree with you, Prongs! Let's go…

We found the girls going upstairs to their dorms…

-Hey, Lils, wait… let's talk. – Jay said. What a loser... he doesn't has any dignity in his body, goes straight crawling to Lily' feet. Tsk tsk!

-We don't have anything to talk, Potter. – ops… she said his last name… now I don't have any more doubts that we are in a huge problem! – what you did was very wrong, there' no excuses for that. And besides that, I'm really disappointed with you right now. – Everybody in the common room was looking at us in this moment, go live your life.

-I know – he said downing his head – but I stopped last year.

-So what? You stayed 2 years doing that…

-Who said that was 2 years? – I asked, it wasn't never too late to try, right?

-_YOU SAID _– the girls yelled.

-Shut up, Black. I, _we_, are not going to forgive you, we know that you came here just to try and see if we give up about the revenge thing, but it isn't going to happen, right, Holly?

-Of course! – she answered. It is a conspiracy against us! Ok, now is time to use my gifts of persuasion. After all, being Sirius Black has its advantages. Wait! That's nothing bad about being Sirius Black! Focus!

-Holly, Holly Hot Hall, Honey, H3… Beauty, dear…

-No way, Six… Stop right there – Holly said, but with a smile… now or never!

-Let's just talk, ok? – I said passing my arm around her shoulders and giving her a quick peck on the lips – I mean, you don't have to talk, just listen to me, hear what I have to say.

-Hum… Fine…

-Wonderful! – I took her hand and lead her to the far corner of the common room – Holly… - I began, but she cut me off.

-Just say what you want, Sirius. And stop with the pleading dog face…

-Lolly, my love, you know you're my leg, please don't do anything with me. Look… I'm too hot to suffer the consequences! You won't do anything against my face, right? Please beware of my perfect face!

-What do you have for me? – she asked, besides she is trying to probably kill me right now… I love her, you see how perfect she is? No, wait! Don't look at her! If I saw you looking I'm gonna have to kill you!

-Hum… I can give you all of James' _and _Peter's candy.

-Are you trying to buy me with candies? I think you can do better!

Merlin, look were I put myself in! I looked at James for a second and he wasn't doing better than I.

-Ok, so what do you want?

-I? I want _revenge_! And besides that, you are the one who should be doing the proposal, dumb!

-Lolly, please… - I said getting on my knees and hugging her legs (and what legs!) with my best puppy dog face. I saw Prongs and his lady looking at us and laughing. That bambi! I'm trying to help him…

-First of all, stop calling me "Lolly", you are making it worse. In second place, since you are done with your proposal, and nothing was even close to good, I'm gonna add something to my little revenge…

-I know I'll regret it later, but what is it?

-No satisfaction for you… that's how you referred to your needs, huh?

I'm really shocked! How can she do something like that to me? I'm her boyfriend!

-Lo-Holly… - She smiles – you're spending too much time with Lils! Don't do this to me, please… - I said still in her legs.

-Get off of my legs, Black! – she said almost hitting me with them.

I loose the grip from her legs (not that I wanted to, but I care for my life).

-Don't you think that you already got your revenge during this whole year?

-Sirius, I already told you that you have to explain you craziness.

-This year you made me fall for you – I began, getting up and looking her in the eyes – this has been hard enough for me, this has been a torure… I mean, admit that I really like you, that I really love you! – I saw her yeas shining… than I realized what I said, I never ever said that I love her before! But I have to keep going… - and you pretended to be with Paul! This can also be considered as revenge, don't you think? So… I'm sorry for having done something really wrong at an age that I didn't care about anything else but myself. But you have to understand that James and I stopped for a year now! And besides that, we've got some boys trying to do the exactly same thing, but without the cloak, of course, and thanks to us, Remus caught them and put them in detention – I ended my speech with my little irresistible puppy abandoned face.

-Er… wow… - She's speechless and a little bit red – but why did you guys kept telling Remus about the other guys? – Lils asked… She hed never heard about the word _Privacy_? Damn, I think that she just heard my speech.

-Cuz... most of them was trying to see you and Holly! – James answered like it was obvious, and it was!

-Oh, Thanks! – she said giving me a quick kiss – and nothing of girlfriend strike for you – YEAH! Thank you Merlin! – but you aren't free of our other plans – Holly said, flashing me, and pulling Lils towards the stairs for their dorms but when she was almost out of vision, she turned around and said: I love you too! My heart seems to almost explode of joy!

**At midnight in that same day…**

-Prongs? Are you sleeping? – I asked

-Not now… 7 more minutes ok, mom? – He muttered

I rolled my eyes.

-I'm not your mom… and I can't sleep thinking about what would be the girls plan. And I don't understand one thing…

-What is it, Pads?

-Why the girls got so mad about that bathroom thing!

-You're unbelievable… - He said turning around in his bed.

-Han? Why?

-Good night, Sirius…

I chuckled and sighed, unhappy with him. Whatever…

-Good night, Prongs.

**In the following morning…**

-Aaaaaaaah! – Damn! I'll never get used to it! "it" being Remus waking me up with a levicorpus, as always. – Shit, Lupin!

After a lot of screaming – some bad words when he woke James up in the same way – and laughter on Paul', Peter' and the Wolf' cretin parts, the last one finally put us back on the ground.

I took my usual shower and 12 minutes later I left already dressesd. James held the bathroom and I stayed talking with the other guys while waiting for him to finish showering.

When Prongs came out, we went down for breakfast, hoping to find Lily and Holly in the common room, but they weren't there. They must be waiting for us in the Great Hall, I thought.

The five of us went to there, laughing at some jokes, when Peter said he was very hungry and ran to get more time to spend eating his breakfast. I laughed and shrugged, after all, his's Wormtail, when is he not hungry?

Moony decided to go along with Pete. He said that he wanted to eat faster so he could go earlier to the first class, things of responsible students… tsk tsk! Paul ended going too so I called James to a little chat…

-Prongs, I was thinking… you think that the girls were talking serious about the revenge thing?

-Huh… no! Probably they just told us that so we could be scared. Relax, mate.

I nodded, sincerely hoping and praying that he was right. Yeah, I really think he is right!

We kept talking about other stuffs as we walked to the Great Hall, but when we got there and walk through the door… hum… let's say that: we had a little surprise…

It turns out that our uniforms were transfigured to underwear, but not any underwear, not ordinary underpants. No, not at all. Boxers. But those weren't simple and innocent boxers. They were boxer with prints properly chosen in the best style of Lily Evans and Holly Hot Hall of how to humble their boyfriends in public.

Explaining better, in my underwear could be read "I'm a big bastard", repeatedly in red, while the tissue was baby pink.

I looked to the side and realized that in James were other words: "I'm easily influenced". Not that I always look to man's underwear… no… Merlin!

-"Probably they just told us that so we could be scared. Relax, mate." – I said, changing my voice – _only to scary us, right?!_ – I slapped him on his head. He didn't move he was still stunned with all of this.

I rolled my eyes quickly, and noticed that it wasn't just the students that were laughing but all the teachers as well!

We'll probably get into detention for using underwear as uniforms… but it wasn't our fault! Come on…

-Easly influenced? But… - James's voice had been interrupted by a series of thin squeaks… all girls were screaming and coming towards us. THIS WAS WORSE THAN LILY'S YELLS! OUCH, MY EARS! I AM TOO AMAZING TO BE DEAF!

-Screwed, man! – I told Prongs while exchanging a desperate look with him, and starting to run more than I ever had in my entire life.

Why are we running? Ah… let's put that way: the entire female population of Hogwarts appreciates when (the Firsts and only) Sirius Black and James Potter are just in underwear!

To sum up: there's a bunch of girls chasing us now!

-Aaaaaahhhh!

* * *

**A/N: Hey! So, this fic was written by me and a friend, McKinnon love dogs. The idea for the fic came during a conversation at fb, which started froma comment from a pic of another friend of ours... them the conversation became so... I dunno... Anyway, I, came up with the idea to transform that in a fic, and HERE IT IS! Tcharam! Hope u enjoy! hahahaha...  
**

**Ah... This fic was kinda based on another friend' fic, and when we say that is cuz Holly is in the fic and that part of "Lolly, my love, you know you're my leg..." that's on the chapter 21 of JPSA (James Potter - Sétimo Ano). That's it...**

**R&R**


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